why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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