Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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