Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I smell stomach acid.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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