Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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