Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
