I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
