the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
