after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How naked do you want me to be?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
