I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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