he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
