At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
