Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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