Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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