What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
