Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
