already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
