why didn't you poke me back
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
