i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
