OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
