mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
