And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
