I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
