how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
