I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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