I just cut my nipple shaving
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
