Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All the doctor said was why
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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