Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
