Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
