2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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