I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
