your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
