i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
