it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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