I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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