she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
