at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
