I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We need to rekindle our bromance
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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