I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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