Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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