My room smells like vodka and shame
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
