If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
