My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
