whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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