The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
