The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
