Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk is not a location!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
