he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
