I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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