...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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