I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
