I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You need Xanax blowdarts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
