I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
