You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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