You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
