Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
