I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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