After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize