dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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