How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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