even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
