Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am midnight drunk by noon
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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