Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
