i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pants are for mortals
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
