wat bout pragnant strippers??
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
